The Day I didn't Shave for my PhD Interview

That describes today. What a crazy and wonderful school year thus far. Three jobs (part-time), 14 hours of graduate family nurse practitioner classes, 3 roommates, a wonderful community, friends across the country/world, etc. make up what my 26th year looks like. Overwhelmed and high on life are understatements, but grateful and humbled highlight the underlying biofeed of my heart and mind.

Perhaps the above paragraph makes up this year in its entirety, a jumbled emotional mess with a beautiful story unfolding. For the past 2  6+ months I have been feeling super sorry for myself about singleness. I spin my wheels all the time and work on why it seems as though everyone else but me has found this supposed love (the one we dream about from around age 3 until we finally meet the "one"). In the midst of my pity party (which many gracious friends have put up with), I have begun to grapple with a glimpse of the fact that God is working, just not always in the areas that I desire change. I want to be careful to note that I don't believe God's favor has been present because of some act I performed (ha-I am lacking 100%) but rather for some reason his unfathomable grace and love.

Tonight at Nashville's Medical Christian Fellowship, I was surrounded by beautiful nursing students (among like 40 other medical people) that remind me of the gift of giving healthcare as an overflow of His grace and love. Last week I witnessed multiple Christ-following communities gathering to throw a wedding for a couple we had never met. (It was awesome!) Over the past weekend I spent time enjoying the Nashville area with my family.

So, though by perhaps my own standard, the "Southern" standard, or the world's standard I may be lacking, but in Christ I see completeness. I see Hope. I see the Gospel. I see true love. May that be enough. May I have faith to believe that it is enough.

Vanderbilt + Lately

My last few months have been deeply contemplative. Coming out of a professional work environment back into academia with people from all over the country/world has lent itself to 1.2 billion opinions and philosophies.

One might suggest that I struggle the most with my beliefs (I am pro-life, against euthanasia, and I believe the context of marriage from God is only between a man and a woman) among this liberal environment, which is true. However, my greatest struggle is found in the "rat race" and land of privilege I find myself in.

Recently, my pastor at Trinity Church Nashville has been preaching out of Isaiah. Many times we have discussed idolatry and often he has pushed us to consider idols in the world and most specifically in our lives. Mine: comfort. This little thing that I have worked SO hard for-from relationships, materialism, even what I do everyday has manifested itself in deep and ugly places. I came back to school to truly help people in their time of need and develop skills to take across the world to people who have no healthcare. However, when coming to this place and working hard, I also knew the implications of my salary, the people I would get to know, the circles I could "run in", etc. 

My pursuits here at Vanderbilt aren't wrong. However, I have been looking so intently at what I get or what I can do. The Lord is gently calling "it is not about you or your comfort." What a refreshing load off my shoulders. No matter how great (or really bad) my grades are, no matter how few or many times I get asked out (or truly what a desert of relationships I live in), or where I have practicum placement, I was not brought to the world for my comfort. Thank God for grace and mercy, for that is all we are promised. 

May my heart learn this and follow that total surrender and direction from Him are life, not a new red Volvo, tall husband, six figure salary with vacations to Tahiti. Not in gaining a PhD or becoming a professor. Not in (hopefully) adopting 6 kids and looking like an A+ mom. In in God and His sanctification. May I become "un-Vanderbilted" and open to where God leads...comfortable or not.